Epilogue 5: The End of the Beginning

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.

All comments and criticisms appreciated. You can contact me at sommer@3rdm.net

The scent of the trees assailed Ranma’s senses as the cold night air washed over his face. However, the chill did nothing to cool him down. His attention was focused on something other than the little camp he and Shampoo had set up in the ‘wilds’ of Hokkaido, something that required more attention than the world around him.

Ranma could feel the ‘something’ move down his chest, kissing every inch of the way. Shampoo paused a moment to kiss his right nipple and play across it with her tongue. It was not nearly as sensitive now as when he was a girl (not that he did anything while cursed. His outfits just rubbed him awkwardly sometimes), but the effect was still pleasurable. He watched the slow movement of the lump that was her head, masked under the blanket they were wrapped in, made its way lower along his body. He was basking in the sensations of her mouth playing along his skin when he felt her hands tug at the waistband of his boxers.

"Shampoo, don’t," he said softly, his heart beating so loudly it seemed to roar through his ears. That had come out much more quietly than he had wanted.

He felt the hands hesitate for only a moment before continuing their actions.

"Shampoo, stop." The words still lacked the intensity he wanted. His voice was betraying him now, even as his body did the same by reacting to Shampoo’s attentions.

He felt her pause once again, longer this time, before she continued, pulling his boxers from his waist and down around his knees. Then the kissing began once again, starting slowly from his navel and threatening to go further down.

Somehow, he just could not order his body to force her away. Only his voice seemed to be working, and barely at that. "Please," was all he could manage.

This time the kissing stopped as she rushed up from underneath the sheets, her body rubbing against his the entire time, causing his own to betray him in ways even worse than before. Her head popped out from under the covers and Ranma found himself confronted by a face that conveyed a mixture of anger and pain.

"Why?" Shampoo asked, desperation in her voice.

"We can’t," Ranma managed to get out.

"Yes, we can," she corrected as her hand traveled down the length of his body until it reached a part that could remind him of his capabilities.

"Shampoo," he said once again, wishing he could sound firmer than he felt. Not that he was sure if he could ever speak that ‘firmly.’

"Ranma," she pleaded. "I want to make love to you so much it hurts."

"I want to, too." Oh, how he wanted to. He was long over any actual reservations he might have had about being with a woman due to his inexperience with the members of the opposite gender. Shampoo had seen to that in the year and a half they had been together since Mount Phoenix, but there were other complications that prevented him from giving in to desire.

"Then let’s do it now!" She began stroking his body in an effort to reignite his interest.

"N… no. We can’t until we’re married," he protested with what little energy he could muster.

She removed her hand from his lower anatomy and it joined the other one in cradling his face. She kissed him, enjoying his reaction as he kissed her back. She broke it off to say, "Then let’s get married."

"We can’t until Mom and Pop say it’s okay," he protested once more.

"Yes, we can," she insisted, silently cursing him in Chinese for his stubborn refusal to ignore the mess his parents had forced him into. "What you mean to say is you won’t."

Ranma sighed. "It’s important to me that they accept the marriage. They’re my family. Outside of you, they’re all I got. I can’t just ignore them, or pretend they approve of this whole thing."

"I managed to leave my family behind." That came out closer to a growl than a statement.

"Did you want to?"

Shampoo softened at that. "No."

"Then you understand why I don’t want to do that to mine. Not so long as there’s a chance they’re going to change their stupid minds and approve of us."

"Fine," Shampoo relented, knowing he was right. "Then let’s wait on the marriage and have sex now."

Ranma shifted uncomfortably under her body. "We have to wait until we get married. I want to do it properly, you know?"

"Ahhh! Why do you have to be so old-fashioned?" She began to wonder if he had a sex drive at all, that was until she brushed up against something that told her he had plenty of sex drive, and the very powerful ability to restrain it. "It’s perfectly fine for us to make love."

Ranma found his resolve weakening once more. "Didn’t you tell me once you loved me even if we didn’t… you know, fool around?"

"That was if you COULDN’T do something, not if you WOULDN’T do something." She growled, digging her nails into his shoulders before relaxing them, regaining control over her emotions. She was running way too ‘hot’ now. "If you had some physical problem, that would be different. We’d work around it. Right now all you’re doing is being a prude."

Sensing that she would not let the subject drop, he decided to work the ‘ole Saotome Charm’ to shake her off. Besides, employing it would be fun for him too. He began nuzzling her neck and found himself rewarded by a gentle, almost purring sound, come from her as she raised her head and allowed him greater access to that area. It was working, just as he had hoped. He continued on, gently kissing her some more before saying, "Why don’t we just kiss for a while? Don’t worry about nothin’ else."

What he had thought was a deft move in turning the conversation away from the topic proved otherwise as he heard Shampoo give a ‘humph’ and crawl out from under the covers, and worse, away from him.

"What?" he asked, suddenly concerned over the fact that he was holding nothing but air. The kissing maneuver had always worked before. It had taken him a while to learn how much she adored it when he initiated physical affection with her, and almost always she was little more than putty in his hands (so to speak) when he did. He did not always start things solely for the purpose of getting her to do something for him— most of the time he just felt like kissing her— but he was not above using it to gain him an advantage if the need arose. That she broke things off so abruptly like that was a complete shock.

As she emerged, he realized that somewhere along the line her nightgown (if the flimsy piece of see-through material could be considered such) had managed to come off while she was under the covers. That seemed to be happening a lot more frequently when they slept together— which had been just about every night since Mount Phoenix— and made resisting her even more difficult than before. She would have worn nothing at all if she had her way about it, but he had protested so loudly that it was simply easier for her to concede to wearing something rather than argue with him further.

"Lay back down before someone sees you." The small fire next to them to provide some light, as well as added warmth, and the area had seemed deserted, but one never knew if some wandering outdoorsman would pass by. It might have lacked privacy, but he was used to sleeping outdoors, and Shampoo did not mind it either. Besides, it saved on paying to sleep in hotels when their funds were low, which was almost all of the time.

She gave him a defiant glare, before leaning over and running her hand under the covers until she found her nightgown and brought it out. As she slowly put it back on, she was at least mildly pleased that the admiring gaze Ranma had been giving her nude form turned into disappointment as she dressed.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I’m not going to sleep with you tonight," she said firmly as she looked towards a nearby cluster of trees.

Now Ranma was worried. This marked the first time she was the one that insisted they not sleep together. "Aww. Come on. Don’t be this way. Come on back." He gave what he thought was his warmest smile towards her.

She shook her head, irritated that he seemed to think she wasn’t being serious. Her patience was finally at an end. "I’m tired of this Ranma. We love each other. We should be married by now. You want me to be patient and wait for your parents to come to their senses and finally give up that idiotic pact. Fine! But you won’t even let me sleep with you."

"We sleep together all the time."

She shot him a cold glare. "Don’t you dare play dumb with me. You know damn well what I mean. I’m willing to give in to you, but you won’t give me what I want. I’m tired of being the one that has to wait because of some stupid promise your parents made and for you ignoring my wants. It’s been a year and a half. A year and a half! I’ve wanted to be with you since the day you said you loved me. Do you know how hard it is to have to wonder every single night if you’re finally going to come to your senses, only to have you reject me each time?"

"I ain’t rejecting you," he protested. They had had disagreements before over the subject of marriage and sex, but never quite as intense as it was now.

"You don’t totally accept me either, and that hurts. Instead it’s me that gives in to you each time. I’m tired of it."

He felt his heart leap into his throat as she turned, grabbed an extra bedroll, then began to walk away. What was she doing? Yes, she sounded angry about the way things were going, but that was no reason to act so rashly. Surely she wasn’t planning to… leave… him. "Where are you going?!"

She turned in surprise at the sound of fear in his voice. That emotion was not one heard from Ranma Saotome very often, at least not under anything other than the worst of circumstances. It took her a moment to understand what he was afraid of. Did he truly think she was so fickle? "I’m not leaving you. I’m just going to sleep over there." She pointed to the cluster of trees she had been eyeing earlier. "I’m hurt and need a little distance, but I won’t leave you. I’ll never leave you. I promise." She gave him a sullen look and turned to go again.

"Tomorrow we’ll start back to Nerima and I’ll talk to Mom and Pop again."

Pausing, she remained where she was, keeping her face from Ranma so he couldn’t see her smile. She did not want him to know how those few words could please her so much. He might not try so hard to convince them if he knew it was that easy to get her to back off. However, she would not let it pass without letting him know how she felt about it. "Thank you."

He breathed a sigh of relief. He knew from the way her body had tensed, then relaxed, that she was pleased by that. She had been right. It was long past time he tried to convince his parents again of the way things had to be. It was unfair both to him, and perhaps more importantly, to her, that they be forced to wait so long before consummating their relationship. "You can come back now." He held the covers open in invitation for her return.

There was a sore temptation to give in on her part. But she felt that no matter what he believed, the separation would hurt her worse than him. Still, she needed to make certain he understood just how strongly she felt. "Not tonight."

"Why?" he protested, wondering if he had misread her body signals.

She gave him a soft look. "Will you make love to me?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "I already told ya’. Once we get married we can do all of that."

She nodded. "And I’m going to sleep over there. Now you understand how I feel when you refuse me every night." She left, staying just within his line of sight as she unrolled the bedroll and laid down.

Ranma remained where he was, watching her turn from him, walk off, then lay down. He hated to admit it, but she was right. He hadn’t understood what it was like to be denied what he wanted like that. There was no doubt in his mind that this time he was going to make his parents understand. He didn’t want to have to spend another night apart from her again.

It took them nearly a week to make their way back to Nerima. Both were nearly overcome by the feeling of trepidation that marked their arrival, only the fifth time they had returned to the area in the last year and a half. On their way to Ranma’s house they crossed through one of the parks to see that a festival had apparently begun. It was large, colorful display with multiple rows of booths that contained food, games, fortunetellers, and other sellers of various odds and ends who shouted out, hawking their wares.

The pair decided to make a detour through the middle of the main thoroughfare, buying some food and looking over the goods that were being offered. After having been there for about half an hour, Ranma took the time to examine Shampoo’s reactions to everything out of the corner of his eye. She seemed much less apprehensive than when they had first arrived. Unquestionably, it was a good sign. He bought her an ice cream cone and waited a while longer, making sure the mood was going to last. Seeing that it would, he breathed a sigh of relief. That would make what he wanted to say easier.

"Shampoo, I think it’d be best if you stayed here and let me talk to my parents alone."

"No," Shampoo answered immediately, then took another idle lick of her cone.

"Well, thanks for considering it, at least," Ranma grumbled. Sadly, things were pretty much going the way he had anticipated. It was time to once again employ the Saotome charm.  He gave her the most devastating smile he could while placing his hands on her hips, drawing her closer. "Sh—"

"No."

The smile disappeared. Fine! If she were going to refuse to be charmed, he would take the dominant approach. "Look. I’m putting my foot down. You are not going!"

Shampoo smiled at that. "I’ll put my foot down, too."

Ranma shouted out in pain as she did so, right on top of his. The pain didn’t matter much to him (once she stopped twisting her foot on his and removed it, anyway). He was not going to be beaten. There was still the technique his father used with his mother, but his pride would only allow begging and groveling to win her compliance as a last resort. Reasoning was the next technique to employ.

"Shampoo, things would go a lot smoother if you weren’t there."

"That’s silly!" Shampoo protested. "I wouldn’t cause any problems. What would make you say something like that?"

"Gee, I dunno." Ranma answered dryly. "Do you recall the words, ‘you stupid, aging bitch,’ followed by Mom going for her katana, the last time we were there?"

"She called me a whore!"

Ranma appeared shamefaced at that. "You were baiting her the entire night, but you’re right. I made sure she won’t do that again." He had told his mother quite bluntly that she would never see him again if those words passed her lips again when referring to Shampoo. She apologized immediately, but the whole event had left a sour taste in Ranma’s mouth for weeks. It was one of the reasons he had not visited his parents since.

"Shampoo, I just think it would be better if I saw them alone."

"Okay," she relented.

Ranma was surprised that she saw reason at last. Usually it took a lot longer for her to agree to the obvious, at least on those occasions that she did. "Thanks. I’ll head out now."

"No!" she protested, then grabbed him by his arm. "Let’s enjoy the festival first." She began walking along, Ranma matching her stride. "At least I can enjoy something today," she quietly added.

Ranma tried to cheer her up. "You don’t know what they’ll say yet."

She turned away from him to stare at a booth where paintings of cherry blossoms were being sold. She tried keeping sadness from creeping into her voice. "Nothing’s changed in their eyes. Their answer’s going to be the same."

Ranma began stroking her hand, trying to soothe her. "It’ll be different this time. You’ll see."

Her shoulders slumped in imagined defeat. "I’ll believe it when I see it."

The mood was considerably more somber as the pair made their way past the various colorful booths. Ranma had remained silent, trying to come up with something to cheer Shampoo up, and failing miserably, when she perked up on her own.

"Look! Let’s go in there!" Not waiting for a response, she dragged Ranma with her. Her movement was so quick that he barely had time to see that it was a small pavilion that was a few feet back from most of the other booths. It was completely made of cloth, including the entryway, which was covered by a curtain, isolating the interior from the rest of the world. He spotted a placard next to the pavilion that read: Madame Babushka: Fortunes Told.

"Maybe she can tell us how your meeting will go," she said as she dragged him towards the curtained entryway.

"Aw. I don’t believe in that fortune telling garbage. It’s just a waste of money. They never say nothing but vague stuff that can mean whatever you want it to."

"Oh, come on! It’ll be fun."

Ranma noticed the effect that the anticipation was having on Shampoo. Maybe if it cheered her up, it wouldn’t be such a waste of money. He relented and the two parted the curtain and entered.

The instant they set foot inside, a wave of incense assailed their sense of smell. Inside there was a very unremarkable wooden table, with two chairs, on the side closest to the entryway. Incense burned from four stands that lined the interior of the circular pavilion. Two smaller holders on the table also bore burning sticks of incense as well. But the main feature of the interior was the Caucasian gentleman, wearing a style of clothing that reminded Ranma of a gypsy in a grade-B vampire movie.

"Please, sit." He might have been a foreigner, but his Japanese was flawless, as he indicated they should take the two empty chairs.

The pair sat down. Ranma looked strangely at the man. "Somehow, you look a lot different from the way I pictured you, Madame Babushka."

The man gave a soft chuckle. "Madame Babushka is my wife. I’m afraid that she had to leave rather abruptly. She had a vision that she was going to become very ill and headed for the hospital. However, you have nothing to fear." He stood up and bowed with a flourish before the pair. "I am her husband, Marty the Minor Mentalist. I, too, can not only tell a person’s future, but their past and present as well."

"You’re two fortune tellers that married one another?" Shampoo asked.

"Indeed." Marty sat back down, giving a boyish grin that made him seem youthful despite his forty plus years. "Actually, it wasn’t surprising. We knew as soon as we met that we were destined for a lifetime of happiness with one another. We got married the very next day. Twenty years later, every day still feels like the first."

"That’s so sweet," Shampoo sighed.

Ranma was torn between being impressed with their psychic abilities, or thinking it was the most stupid thing he had ever heard. Since he was going to be paying for the reading, he decided the former would probably be the best one to go with.

Marty indicated that they should hold out their hands so that he could read their destiny. Carefully he examined their hands, looking over the lines in the dim light of the pavilion, studying them intently. 

"I thought you said you were a fortune teller, not a palm reader," Ranma grumbled.

"Reading palms makes seeing your destinies easier," Marty explained. "In some ways it’s better, since I can read the whole thing all at once, although I can’t tell exactly when things will happen, or if they already have. Now give me a few moments of silence so that I may decipher your fates."

Marty studied their hands for almost a full five minutes before speaking again. He looked to Ranma first. "I see the fate of a young girl with red hair, tied in a pig-tail, hopelessly intertwined with yours. She will be a part of your life for a very long time. Very unusual indeed."

"Yeah, yeah. I already know all about that," Ranma said, actually impressed with the man’s ability while being irritated by being told information he already knew about.

"Oh," Marty said, momentarily disappointed at the response. Usually that sort of big prediction done at the beginning of the reading would impress the customers. Perhaps the girl would be more easily awed.

He turned towards Shampoo. "I see the fate of a boy with black hair, tied back in a style similar to yours—"

"—hopelessly intertwined with yours. He will be a part of your life for a very long time. Very unusual indeed," they finished for him together.

"Know that one too, eh?" Marty asked as he watched the two nod in response. It appeared he was going to have to pull out all of the stops to impress the duo. He looked upon their hands once more.

"Hmm. Both of you are destined to live in interesting times. I can’t tell if it’s the blessed or cursed version, though."

"Probably both," Ranma said as Shampoo nodded her head in agreement.

Marty reevaluated them as perhaps the toughest nuts he had ever had to crack, but impress them he would.

"Let’s try this." He turned to Ranma, his eyes following an unusual line. "Oh, my god! You’re destined to become Sailor Earth!"

"What?!" Ranma shouted out in shock.

"No! Wait a minute! You are destined to SAIL the Earth. Sorry about that. I misread your ‘Lines of Destiny’."

"Oh." Ranma visibly relaxed.

Marty waited for Ranma to calm down before continuing. "You will live a long life." He turned Ranma’s hand over as his eyes continued to follow one of the lines. "A very long one, yes indeed."

He turned Shampoo’s hand over to examine it more closely. He felt his heart sink as he saw her full destiny lifeline before him. "I’m afraid you are destined to die at a very young age. I’m sorry."

"Oh, don’t worry about it," Shampoo said nonchalantly.

Marty was shocked. "But I just told you you’ll die young!"

"I already did that," she explained casually. "I got better."

It took Marty a while to compose himself after that. "Very interesting times indeed," he murmured. "Do you have any questions, or should we even bother?"

"Will we be married?" Shampoo asked, excitement tingling in her voice.

"Ah, an easy one." He examined their hands more closely. "I see that you are destined to be married once in your lifetime," he told Ranma, then turned to Shampoo. "And I see you will be married once too."

The two tore their hands out of his grasp and grabbed onto one another. "You hear that, Ranma? We’re going to be married!"

"I told you so." He tried sounding nonchalant, but found himself becoming excited over the idea that maybe the fortuneteller was correct.

"Wait a minute!" Marty warned. "I didn’t say you’d be married to each other. I said both of you would be married once in your lifetimes. I can’t see who you’ll marry."

The two of them gave the man nearly identical lopsided grins. Ranma spoke first. "After what we’ve been through, believe me, there ain’t no chance either one of us is getting married to anyone else." Shampoo gave a nod of agreement as well.

Marty refrained from telling them how many times he had heard words like that before, only to see them fail to come true. Still, there was nothing in their futures that indicated they would not marry one another. And one of the first rules of business, Marty learned, was that there was little point in ruining a customer’s good mood with unnecessary details.

"Any other questions?" he asked.

Shampoo nodded as she held out her hand once again. "How many children will we have?" She was still bubbling in excitement over the marriage prediction.

At last he had managed to excite them, and the girl had asked another easy line to read too. He indicated that Ranma should hold out his hand as well, and began trying to find the line he wanted. He decided to tell the boy first, allowing the thrill to build up in Shampoo. "You are going to have one daughter, in your lifetime, sir."

"I am?" Ranma asked in surprise, then began grinning and turned to Shampoo. "Did ya’ hear that? I’m going to have a daughter." He was surprised at the delight he felt at the prediction. With the child problems Shampoo had, and the fact that they weren’t even married yet, he had never really thought much about children. He had told Shampoo it didn’t matter to him, which was true for now, but someday he would want them. Once he got around to settling down.

Seeing Ranma’s reaction, Marty felt satisfied with himself. He looked over Shampoo’s hand. "And in your lifetime you’re going to have a daughter and a son."

Shampoo tore her hand out of Marty’s and grabbed Ranma’s once more. "Did you hear that, Ranma? I’m going to have a daughter and a son. Isn’t that grea… wait a minute. That’s not great."

While Shampoo tried to reprocess what was said to make sure she understood it correctly, Ranma’s joy turned to suspicion. "And exactly why is it you’re going to have a girl AND a boy?"

Shampoo shook her head rapidly back and forth. "I am not going to have a girl and a boy. Just a girl." Seeing that Ranma was not shifting his attitude in the least, she held out her hand for Marty to read again. He looked over it once more.

"Nope. Still says a girl and a boy."

Shampoo ripped her hand out of his grasp once more, offended. 

"Is there something you’d like to tell me?" Ranma asked, now more suspicious than ever.

"Of course not!" Shampoo shot back.

"You’ve been going on and on about how much you want me, but I keep refusing you." Ranma drew nearer and pointed an accusing finger towards her. "Maybe you’re getting bored with me and are going to start looking for some guy to fool around with on the side."

"I will not!" Shampoo shouted. "I love you. I would never do something like that to you!"

"Oh, really? What about what the guy just said?"

"He was wrong!"

"He was right about everything else," Ranma pointed out.

"Well, he was wrong about that!" she retorted. "Look. I swear to you that from this moment on until the day I die, I will never sleep with anyone other than you."

"AH, HA!" Ranma shot out from his chair and to his feet. "So you’re leaving yourself an out by saying that if you die and come back again, you will sleep with someone else!"

Shampoo shot to her own feet in shock. "RANMA! That is not what I meant!"

"Yeah, right! I know how that devious Amazon mind of your works."

Marty watched on as the arguing couple walked out of the pavilion and back to the hustle and bustle of the festival. It only occurred to him after they had left that perhaps he should have asked them to pay first. Now it was too late. It probably would not have been a good idea to get between the arguing couple. His health was far more important than several hundred yen.

Ranma found himself filled with trepidation (not fear, he would insist) as he walked alone towards his home located on the outskirts of Nerima. It had taken her almost half an hour to reassure him that she was never going to fool around with someone else, let alone bear any children from them. In hindsight, he figured he probably had overreacted to the prediction. After what they had been through together, it was foolish to think she would do something like that to him. Still, he would keep his eyes open for any guys that might think they could try to hit on her and get away with it. After all, if there were no temptation for her, there wouldn’t be any risk. Yes, a very good plan.

He also came to realize something he had said that had startled him. He was beginning to wonder just how much patience she had towards him and the current status of their relationship. Yes, she said she would not leave him, and he believed her, but how much longer would she hold off? Lately, she had become a lot more insistent, and deep down inside so was he. At what point would he bring himself to tell his parents that he would marry her no matter what, and if they felt they had to disown him for it, then so be it?

"Maybe sooner than everyone thinks," he said to himself.

He reflected on the journey to Nerima in an effort to distract himself from that kind of thinking. He needed his wits about him if he was to present a good argument that would sway his parents to see things the right way. The alienation Shampoo had shown him that first night had continued for the next three nights as well, making him increasingly eager to get to Nerima and obtain his parents’ permission. He had not realized how much he wanted her beside him when they slept, usually with her curling herself under his arm and making herself snug. It was the same when they woke, usually her first. Even with her hair messed up from sleep, she still looked beautiful in the morning (and every now and then he told her, even though he still didn’t usually go in for that romantic stuff). Without her there something just felt wrong, and he needed to correct it soon.

Not that she had cut him off completely. Last night she had decided to help ‘motivate’ him by sleeping with him once more, though actually there had been little rest involved. Both of them felt the need to release the pent up energies from the last few nights, and they had made out long into the morning. Strong motivation, indeed.

At last he found himself at his destination. The Saotome house was an unremarkable structure half the size of the Tendo household, and he had only the dimmest memories of it from his past. The few times he had come by in an effort to talk to his parents had never been long enough for him to truly get a feel for the house. There was no emotional connection to the place. He had felt far more of a bond to the Tendo household than the one he had spent the first few years of his life in. The place that he was supposed to have grown up in, yet left so long ago that only dim echoes remained of it. Did he even have the right to call it home anymore?

He never even considered hesitating as he went up to the front door and knocked. He needed to get this over with. It was true that in the past he tended to ignore problems (of a non-fighting nature) and hoped they would work themselves out, and maybe he had done it again with the whole marriage thing, but no longer. Decisions had to be made concerning it and they had to be done now.

What felt like forever was only a minute before the door was opened by his mother. She stared at him in surprise for only a moment before giving out a cry of "Ranma!" and embracing him. He returned the warm greeting, losing himself for a moment in the affections of the woman he should have known his whole life, but instead had only a few fleeting days with, at least when not pretending to be someone else.

Nodoka at last broke off the embrace and examined her son more closely. She gave a small nod of approval as she said, "You look well."

"So do you, Mom."

"Have you gotten a cure yet?" she asked.

"No. Neither one of us has, but our traveling around hasn’t been wasted. I’ve learned a lot of new techniques while I was on the road."

"That’s nice, dear." Suddenly she realized she was greeting her son outside and ushered him inside the house. He followed, taking in the surroundings of the house once again, committing everything he could to memory. Nothing seemed to have changed in the months that had passed between visits. Hopefully, there would be at least one change soon. One in attitude.

"Where’s Shampoo?" Nodoka asked at last.

"Ah, she decided not to come this time." Well, with a little encouragement, anyway.

There was a pang of remorse as he saw his mother’s face brighten at that. Somehow, he had hoped against hope that she would have felt sorry for the way things had gone last time and perhaps, after thinking about it for a few months, realized that preventing the two of them from marrying was a mistake and would want to give Shampoo the good news firsthand, the pair of them becoming like a mother and daughter-in-law should.

Well, what was wrong with having dreams, even if they were a bit unrealistic?

Nodoka maintained her bright demeanor. "It’ll be nice that we have time for some good mother-to-son bonding alone. I can’t think of a time, since you told me the truth about your curse, that we’ve spent just talking to one another."

"You mean Pop ain’t here?" That was just great. The driving force, and the one he really needed to convince of the futility of his actions, wasn’t even there. Perhaps something could be salvaged out of the situation though. He still thought of his mother as being the easier of the two to sway, even with the difficulties she and Shampoo had with one another.

Still, he had enough sense to build up to what he needed to say. "Everything okay, Mom?"

She said yes and informed him that it had pretty much been life as usual in the area. The conversation started out fine, but Ranma had to wince when she mentioned that all of the Tendo girls, including the new ones, were still unmarried. Although he was pleased to hear Akane was doing well (another good reason Shampoo wasn’t around. She would have been impossible to deal with if she had seen him react happily about that). Apparently Kasumi had adopted a little boy during her trip to China. Nodoka really seemed to emphasize what a difficult time she would have in raising a child by herself and being unmarried, and what a manly thing it would be if someone were to marry her in spite of that. She even talked about how nice it would be to be a grandmother immediately instead of having to wait for it.

He gave an inward sigh. It seemed Shampoo was right. Nothing had changed in her eyes.

Nodoka was going to continue on when she noticed something. "What are those marks on your neck, Ranma?"

Reflexively, his hand went to his neck and he turned bright red. "Oh. Haha. I still practice a lot of martial arts."

"I see," Nodoka said. "You should be more careful."

"Sure." Ranma laughed nervously again. He had managed to get out of that one without lying directly. He had just happened to mention martial arts at that moment and his mother had just happened to mistake that as the explanation. Somehow, he doubted informing her that when he and Shampoo made out, she sometimes got really worked up and liked using his neck as a chew-toy (and there was absolutely no way that he was ever going to admit that, surprisingly enough, he sort of liked it. Not that he was a masochistic weirdo.) That was not going to be the best way to put his mother in a responsive mood to what he had to say.

He figured it was time to begin before she started to ask more personal questions. "Look, there’s something really important I want to discuss with you. I wanted both you and Pop to be here, but I guess it’ll just have to be the two of us."

"Go ahead, Ranma."

She masked it well, but Ranma could still make out the sound of anxiousness in her voice. She knew what was he going to say before he opened his mouth. As bad as he felt about that, he forced himself to continue. "I’m sorry, but there is no way I’m ever marrying anyone but Shampoo. Ever. I don’t know why the two of you can’t accept that."

"Because you can’t marry anyone other than a Tendo." Nodoka spoke as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I’m certain if you talked with Kasumi, she might not mind you having Shampoo as a mistress. They do get along quite well."

"NO!" Ranma shouted. "Why won’t you listen to a word I say? I am not marrying anyone other than Shampoo. I ain’t marrying Kasumi. I ain’t marrying Nabiki. I ain’t marrying either of the two new girls, or Silk’s kid when she’s born either, or anyone else that’s born, adopted, or time travels from the future and calls herself a Tendo."

"Ranma," Nodoka used a tone of voice that was similar to what one might use with a small child. "There is a promise to uphold and we will uphold it. Just because you and your lover have run—"

"We ain’t lovers!" he snapped. "I ain’t done anything with her! I want to, but I can’t ‘cause of this."

Nodoka was taken aback at that. "I had no idea. I suppose it’s nice that you’ve waited, but it doesn’t matter. You cannot marry her. She can’t even bear children."

"I already went over this with her. We’ll adopt. Probably just a girl, though. And not right away anyhow, ‘cause I ain’t ready to start raising any kids."

Nodoka nodded. "But even so you still can’t marry her."

The pressure built within Ranma as shot to his feet, unable to keep calm as his anger raged. "Why? It doesn’t have to be that way! You and Pop are the only ones that are trying to force me into this, and it won’t work! All you’re doing is making a bunch of people miserable, including yourself!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the only way you are ever going to see any grandchildren is if you let go of this stupid engagement thing and set me free."

Now it was Nodoka’s turn to stand up. "Is that a threat, young man?!"

Ranma fought the urge to accept the chastisement. She was his mother, but she was WRONG. "It ain’t a threat, it’s a fact." Pain started to trickle into his voice. It was all going wrong. He really had believed she would have relented over the months and seen reason. Now it was all turning out horribly, and he didn’t know what to say anymore. "You don’t understand what this is doing to me and her. I can’t stand the way things are going now. I’ve been patient, and Shampoo even moreso. It’s time we got married, no matter what you say."

"Ranma. You can’t do… that." Nodoka suddenly began to stagger a little.

Ranma was at her side in an instant, his anger replaced by concern in less than a second. He placed an arm around her to help keep her from falling. "Mom! What’s wrong?!"

She regained her footing, but to Ranma’s eyes looked very pale. "I’m all right. I’ve just been having dizzy spells lately. I thought I was over them."

"I thought you said you were all right!" Ranma practically shouted.

"It’s nothing, dear. I just get them every now and then. It must have been from the argu—" she swooned once more.

"That’s it! I’m having a doctor check you out."

For a moment, Nodoka pride swelled at her son’s protectiveness. Despite feeling better, she felt that perhaps it was for the best that she assent to her son’s demands of having a physician make sure she was all right, even though she knew she was. It would make Ranma feel better, and, more importantly, keep them from arguing further. She had not even been able to have a pleasant conversation with him for more than half an hour before they began arguing about marriage once again. Even if her son was proving himself intractable, she still wanted to spend at least a little time with him.

It was a couple of hours later when Ranma saw his father arrive at the hospital. Any concerns he had over his father’s reaction to what had happened were erased by the look of panic on his face.

"Is your mother all right, boy?"

"Yeah. The docs just wanted to run a few tests on her to see if they could figure out what’s wrong. If Mom was feeling bad, why didn’t you make her come here?" Ranma accused.

"It’s the first I heard of it." Genma began pacing back and forth in concern as he waited for someone to inform him of what was going on with his wife. It was only another ten minutes before Nodoka came from around the hallway and saw her family. As quickly as she could, while remaining ladylike, she approached them. Both Ranma and Genma were on her in an instant, assailing her with a number of questions.

"I’m all right," she assured them. "The doctors did a few blood tests and other things to see if they could determine what was wrong. All they’ve found so far was that I have a very low hemoglobin count and they want me to take some vitamin supplements to bring it back up."

Both Ranma and Genma were visibly relieved at that. She was continuing to reassure them she was all right when a doctor approached.

"Mrs. Saotome?" he asked.

"Yes?" Nodoka recognized him as one of the physicians that had run several tests on her. "What is it?"

"I have something to tell you. You’d better sit down."

All three Saotomes looked alarmed as Nodoka forced herself to sit down. She had been certain that there was nothing wrong with her. Dizzy spells were not really cause for alarm, were they? She really did feel fine, outside of that.

"Well, Ma’am, I have some interesting news for you. Best to brace yourself for the surprise, but you’re pregnant."

Everyone stared at him in shock, Nodoka most of all. "How did that happen?"

The doctor stared at her for a moment, then opened her chart and looked it over. "It says you already have a son. I really don’t think I need to explain the mechanics of it to you, do I?"

Nodoka shook her head, feeling faint once more. "No. Of course not. I mean, it’s quite a shock, that’s all. I’d better sit down."

"You already are, ma’am."

Nodoka realized she was indeed still in her chair. "Oh, yes. Pregnant, you say? There’s no doubt about it?"

"Not really, ma’am," the doctor assured her. "We took the test twice and it came up positive both times. You’re going to want to get a check up with your obstetrician as soon as possible, of course, but our preliminary studies show the only health problem you seem to have is a low hemoglobin count. Did they already tell you of that?"

"Yes," Nodoka said, still in surprise. Pregnant? The idea of having another child had never really occurred to her. She had her hands full with the one that was absent from her life and had focused all of her attention on him.

Off to the side, Genma wasn’t certain what to do. He had never considered having another child either, putting all of his efforts into Ranma. Uncertain of what to do anymore, he just stood and waited for his wife to tell him what she wanted to do next.

There was one other who was at least as deeply concerned about the new information as Nodoka, for suddenly the gears of his mind slowly began to turn as a plan began to form. On the surface it appeared to be sound. All he needed to do was find out one other minute detail to make it work.

The doctor nearly wet himself as Ranma grabbed him by the collar and began shaking him back and forth shouting, "TELL ME IT’S GOING TO BE A BOY, DOC!!!"

The doctor barely managed to get out of his grasp before getting out, "We need to take a sonogram first. And we probably won’t know until about the fourth month of pregnancy."

Nodoka and Genma stared at their son in shock. Nodoka spoke first. "Ranma, I had no idea you wanted a brother so badly."

"More than anything in the world." Ranma could barely reign in his hope. "Cause if it’s a guy, he can damn well marry one of the Tendos and release me from this stupid promise the old man made."

Genma and Nodoka looked at one another, uncertain of exactly what to say. This time it was Genma who, while sounding surprised by everything, did seem to be considering it. "I never thought of that. Tendo does have a new girl on the way. I suppose if we have a child it could work out that way. But we’d have to have a boy to make it work. I mean, all he has are girls."

"And if not, you and Mom can keep trying until you get one. WOOHOO! I’M GETTING MARRIED, WORLD!" He jumped up and down with joy, even going so far as to grab a patient off of her gurney and dance around with her.

"Err, we haven’t actually agreed to that, boy," Genma warned. "And I’m not sure we should take the chance."

Ranma stopped dancing around with the patient and scowled at his father. He placed the girl back on her gurney and walked over to confront Genma. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

"Well, having two sons married to the Tendo girls would be a lot better than just one. Sort of like doubling your chances at something good happening." Genma felt like patting himself on the back for that particularly keen observation.

"Actually, Pop, that would guarantee bad things happening." Ranma cracked his knuckles, then grabbed Genma by the collar of his gi. "Because every day is going to be a living hell for you since I will pound on you until you think having one Saotome married to one Tendo is a good idea." He put his fist in Genma’s face as a teaser of things to come.

"Hmm. Good point," Genma mumbled through the fist. Having one Saotome married to one Tendo was more than enough. "I think I can see things your way, this time."

Nodoka could not help but smile. At last there was a way out of the promise and the resentment that had built up between her and Ranma would be gone at last, even if it meant having a daughter-in-law she cared little for. "Very well, Ranma. If my child’s a boy, you can marry whomever you wish."

An ear-to-ear grin nearly split Ranma’s face as he translated that as consent. At last, after a year and a half it had finally happened. He whooped it up as he ran down one of the halls and out of the hospital, missing his mother yelling at him that they didn’t know if it was a boy yet and he shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but it was far, far too late. Not just because he was out of sight, but because no amount of explaining would have changed his mind at that point. He was too close to achieving his heart’s desire to have anything disrupt his plans now.

He ran through the town, dancing with joy and shouting out how he was going to be married. As he ran through the streets, he saw a familiar form and danced around with her.

"I’m going to get married!"

"That’s nice," Azusa Shiratori said, delighted at the impromptu dance.

Ranma released her and snatched a ribbon out of her hair. "I’m getting married, Jean-Michael!" he shouted at it.

"His name’s Rene," Azusa corrected, then panicked as Ranma ran off with Rene still in hand.

Chaos followed as Ranma ran around in a joyous delirium that made people realize how much they did not miss Kodachi Kunou. He nearly gave Mikado Senzenin a heart attack when he threatened to kiss the skater. He danced with a demon that Minami and Yohko were in the process of destroying. He beat up several Martial Arts Mimes (and there was much rejoicing by the citizenry). He even stole a bunch of various women’s undergarments, then threw them on top of a wandering Ryouga, allowing him to get beaten up by the following pack of angry women who assumed the lost one was an accomplice.

It was only when he at last arrived at the festival grounds (and Azusa finally had a chance to reclaim Rene) that he calmed down and tried to locate Shampoo. It only took a few minutes before he found her next to a booth where a vendor was selling limes, cherries, and bloodberries.

By the time he arrived at her side, his face was a mask of calm. Surprise was the name of the game now, and he wanted to watch the smile erupt from her when he told her the good news. It was a considerably more sedate Ranma that approached Shampoo.

The instant she saw him she felt her anxiousness end. He didn’t seem very happy, which she took to mean yet another refusal. Still, she had to hear it from him. "How did it go?"

Ranma felt the urge to build up to the moment. "Mom got sick almost as soon as I got there. I had to take her to the hospital."

Shampoo looked at him in surprise. "Is she all right?"

Ranma was pleased that she seemed so concerned, although he suspected it might have been more his sake than his mother’s. "Yeah. Nothing serious." He was about to tell her the good news by proposing to her right then and there, when he realized he was missing something. Damn! He had intended to tell her immediately, but he had wanted to do it the right way. In the past, he had thought out what he would do on the day he was allowed to marry her, and had played it out in his mind a multitude of times. He was on the verge of abandoning that plan when he spotted something that would suffice, at least for an on the spot proposal.

Shampoo was surprised as Ranma grabbed her hand and led her to one of the prize machines that were so prevalent throughout the carnival. It was one of those machines with a robot claw that grabbed onto any one of a bunch of small, cheap prizes inside. Shampoo couldn’t figure out Ranma’s sudden attraction to the machine, but then she still did not understand a lot about him.

"Give me a fifty yen piece." He held his hand out towards Shampoo.

She looked at him, confused as to why he wanted to play the silly little game, especially since his mother had apparently just been ill enough to merit a trip to the hospital. "Ranma, is something wrong?"

"Nah." He waved dismissively towards her as he kept his eyes locked on the object of his desire. It was right on the top, and with his hand and eye coordination, he was confident he could get it on the first try. "I just want to play this game. Give me a fifty yen piece."

She shrugged and gave him the money. She watched closely as he plopped in the coin and began working the mechanical claw. Her attention was split between watching the progress of the arm and his face, which had an unbelievable amount of eagerness written all over it.

Slowly, Ranma directed the arm until it was right over the target. All it took was a pressing of the button and the claw descended. His face was pressed tightly against the glass as he saw the open piece of metal dip towards the clear plastic case the object was in and…

…miss as it seemed to sway at the last second and picked up a white furry stuffed animal instead. His anxiousness gave way to irritation as he watched the claw deposit the animal into the receiving shoot. Damn! He had been so certain the claw had been directly over it too. He didn’t bother taking his eyes off the target as he held his hand out behind him. "Another fifty yen piece."

Shampoo shrugged and fished out yet another fifty yen piece, handing it to Ranma. As he deposited it, Shampoo went to the receiving bin and picked up the white doll. She pushed on it once, heard it give off a ‘Pu pu,’ then tossed the annoying thing into garbage can. The least Ranma could have done was gotten some kind of neat little trinket she would have liked.

She heard him began a soft chant of, "Easy. Easy. More to the left. Now more to the right. Heh. That’s it. Dumb machine. Thought you could beat me. Ha! Well I showed yo… AHH! It grabbed the wrong one again!"

She heard something else deposit into the receiving bin as Ranma continued keeping his gaze fixated on the machine. "Another fifty yen."

"Why don’t you let me try?" Shampoo offered "Just tell me which one you want and I’ll get it."

"No way!" he snapped. "The dumb machine won’t beat me a third time. It was just lucky. Now gimme another fifty yen."

She sighed, knowing better than to try to argue with him when he entered one of his ‘I won’t lose to [Insert Name of Whoever/Whatever He Wants to Beat]’ phases. And to think, her Great Grandmother used to accuse her of being competitive. She just hoped they had enough money to get what he wanted. Knowing Ranma, he would shake down passerbys for coins if they ran out and he still hadn’t won.

She handed him another, then fished out a fourth coin since she had a gut feeling about how the next attempt was going to turn out.

"Got it this time. Just a little to the left. Perfect! Now I… AHHHH! It did it again! It swung to the right at the last second and grabbed the wrong thing again! Cheatin’ machine! Gimme another!"

She let him kick the machine once before handing him the fourth coin then grabbed the two objects out of the receiving bin again. Ranma had managed to win a key chain and corkscrew. How delightfully useless. She tossed them aside and handed Ranma his next coin while checking on their current funds. They had next to nothing. It appeared it was time to either begin pit fighting again, or have Ranma hunt down pikachus. The latter could certainly be lucrative when they located an area that had an infestation of the verminous little creatures. Ranma was an ideal exterminator since he was immune to the diminutive pests’ electrical bursts.

Yet another ‘Agh!’ caught her attention as she handed Ranma another coin. While he was failing to get whatever he wanted once again, she exchanged the last of their paper money for fifty yen pieces and returned to Ranma’s side just in time to hand him another coin.

Each time he’d win but not get the object he was trying for. Shampoo continued clearing out the winnings from the receiving bin. Ranma won: a magnet, a brick, a Slinky (that kept Shampoo amused for several minutes until she accidentally broke it), a Moon Crystal, a can of whoop-ass, a lifetime membership to the Nerima Hair Club for Men, an ancient-looking lamp that had the words ‘rub me and receive three wishes’ written on the side (Right, like she was going to fall for that one. She threw it down a drainpipe before someone was stupid enough to actually rub the damned thing) and a host of other useless trinkets.

The pile in the machine grew smaller with each progressive attempt, yet still the motionless object somehow eluded Ranma’s attempts to grab it with the mechanical claw. Shampoo felt the number of coins dwindle in direct concert with the number of items remaining in the machine until it was down to one last object and one last coin.

A part of her felt like scolding him for wasting their money like that, but the admonishment would fall on deaf ears, and she’d just get angrier with him for disregarding what she said. She’d find a way to let him know her displeasure later, when he was not obsessed with winning.

"This is the last one." She held on to the final coin for a moment, making Ranma actually exert a little force before he was able to tear it out of her grasp. Much to her disappointment, he didn’t even seem to hear her. Oh, yes. She’d find some way to let him know he had erred this time.

She watched the sweat pour down his face as he gingerly put in the coin and carefully manipulated the claw. Slowly, the metal arm made its way to the center of the now almost completely bare machine, pausing above the final object. It reached down, and effortlessly picked up the final object, retracted, then dropped it into the receiving bin.

For the first time since he began the quest to beat the machine, he turned to look at Shampoo and gave her a wide grin. "Heh. That was easy enough."

Shampoo facefaulted. In the time it took her to regain her feet and pull out a bonbori, Ranma had recovered the object and took the item out of the clear case it was in. A small wave of panic threatened to overtake Ranma, but he fought it down. This was the long awaited moment of truth. Taking a brief moment to actually think about what he was going to say before he said it.

He cleared his throat. "Shampoo, there’s something I wanna ask you." He watched her pause a moment from raising her bonbori high overhead. "I do… Oops. Almost forgot." He dropped to one knee and held out the prize he had tried so hard to win: a gold-colored metal ring. "I… uh… that is would you… ah… I guess would you marry me?" Yes. That was it.

A bonbori dropped from nerveless fingers. Shampoo had pictured the moment nine thousand, seven hundred and sixty three times in her mind, and now that it was actually happening, she forgot what her reaction was supposed to be.

Ranma stood up and waved a hand in front of her face. "Shampoo?" 

"Yes?" she answered, then remembered that was what the response was supposed to be. "Yes. Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! I want to marry you, Ranma!" She held out her hand and allowed him to put the ring on her finger. When that was done, she glomped him and swore she wouldn’t let go until she was exhausted. Thus it was an odd pair that made their way through the rest of the festival. Neither was aware of the odd stares they received from the people they passed; they had thoughts only for each other.

At least, that was, until a loud shout was heard proclaiming, "What do ya’ mean we ain’t got any money?!… I did not spend it all! I didn’t play the game that many times! … Well, we got to eat. Maybe we can sell the ring for some money. HEY! Put that sword down! I’m not trying to back out of proposing! It was just an idea I had so we wouldn’t go hungry! Geez! You Amazons sure are moody…"

Even as the conversation drifted off, no one risked going within fifty yards of the duo. It was quite a sight to behold as the girl somehow managed a one-armed glomp around the boy while keeping her sword drawn and at the ready with her free hand. Around Nerima, curiosity could kill more than a cat if one wasn’t careful. Best to leave the odd people alone in their strange behaviors.

"You’re lost. Admit it!"

"I am not lost. Besides, does anyone with the name of ‘Hibiki’ in their family tree have the right to accuse another of not knowing where they are?"

Aki Yoshida took a swing at D’Amour, which he evaded with a quick, short leap. "Watch it! You’ll mess up my tux." He examined himself once more to be assured that not a stitch was out of place, nor a wrinkle in the suit. No. It was perfect, almost as perfect as him.

"I don’t know why I invited you along," Aki grumbled.

"Because you find my company irresistible?" D’Amour offered.

"Try again."

"Because you wanted to impress everyone by making them think I’m your date?"

"Nope."

"Because I was the only one around that could possibly locate where the wedding is being held in time for you to attend?"

"Bingo."

He knew she was lying. She secretly pined for him and believed that by asking him out it would draw the two of them closer together. Fat chance of that. Being snapped in half like a dry twig was too high a price to pay for sleeping with any woman. He was going along solely because weddings were a great place to pick up babes. The unattached women always felt their biological clocks ticking when they saw one of their own married off to some guy, and were more inclined to be looking for a prospective mate during the first few hours after attending a wedding. The perfect hunting ground.

"Wipe that lascivious smirk off your face!" Aki at last connected with a blow to the back of D’Amour’s head, snapping him out of his fantasy.

He shook his head back and forth to clear it. "You didn’t have to hit so hard," he whined.

"I didn’t hit you hard. Your head’s still attached to your shoulders."

"Good point," he grumbled, annoyed that his slight of not going out with her triggered such animosity.

Aki began to worry about making it on time. It appeared the others’ predictions were a little off when they had made their bets about Ranma and Shampoo only ending up engaged after two years. It was now less than one month over two years and the duo were going to be married. What was worse was that Aki had only received the invitation today when the ship pulled into a nearby port. Realizing she would never find the wedding on her own in time, she resorted to asking the one man who was present when she first received the invitation. The only one who would be able to find the wedding without delay.

"I think we’re near," D’Amour said.

It was at that time a tiny oni, which looked more like a goofy little bumblebee than a horrible demon, flew up from behind the duo. It looked over each one. The girl would have been satisfactory under normal circumstances, but the man next to her was the real prize. He was little more than a hormone on two legs, veritably oozing feelings of lust and deception. It gave out a tiny, delighted war cry and plunged directly into D’Amour’s head, disappearing from sight. The instant it was inside, the tiny oni became overwhelmed by the raw emotions pouring from the man. It would reach its supreme power in less than a day by feeding off of him.

[What are you doing in here?]

The oni froze in horror. Something within the human’s mind was… talking to him? That wasn’t possible. Only the victim’s mind should have been capable of direct communication within. Even in cases of those with multiple personality disorders, the voice was still from the same mind. And to make matters worse, the other voice was preventing him from drawing power from the victim.

[Oh, an oni. Heh. Go right ahead and take what you like, although I suspect you’ve bitten off more than even you can chew.]

The oni felt the invisible barrier that had prevented him from feeding disappear. For the briefest of moments he considered leaving the potentially hazardous situation. Almost immediately that thought was dispelled from his mind; there was too much to gain in remaining. The little oni began to feed.

Aki watched in confusion as the little oni dive bombed directly into the captain’s head, confirming her belief that there was nothing inside. Carefully, she watched as two tiny horns sprouted from the captain’s head. So, he was possessed. Given the captain’s usual personality, a demon could only be an improvement.

"I suddenly feel less horny than usual," D’Amour commented.

Abruptly, the oni burst forth from the captain’s head, four times its original size and glowing blue. It hovered directly over him as it shouted out, "Too much lechery… even for me… can’t contain i—" the rest was lost as the oni detonated directly over the captain.

"Well," Aki commented as she stared at D’Amour’s form, covered in miscellaneous, unidentifiable bits of oni. "It appears you’re not so hot-looking anymore."

Aki was correct, D’Amour noted. He was indeed a mess, covered in the oni’s blood and body parts. That look might attract succubi, but since it was unlikely any were going to be at the wedding, steps would have to be taken.

He ran his hand through his hair, over his face, and then over his suit once, somehow making himself appear even more immaculate than before the oni exploded over him. Where once had been a man who had been covered in splattered oni parts only moments before, now stood a handsome rogue in a tuxedo again. D’Amour smiled, his teeth giving off a near blinding gleam.

"You truly scare the hell out of me sometimes," Aki said as she backed off a little ways from the captain. At least the oni’s presence meant that Ranma and Shampoo were probably nearby. They led lives that were as plagued with annoying events as TWPOS and her lovely crew. An oni was just the thing that would show up to annoy the duo.

D’Amour made one last examination of himself. Assured that he was as dashing as ever, he began walking in the direction of a nearby church.

Aki took note of how eager he seemed to be as he began hurrying towards it. There was only one thing that could drive the man so. "Let me guess. You’re heading for the strongest concentration of women."

"You’ve got that right." Rather than enter the temple itself, he veered to a building next to it. From all outside appearances, it was a plain-looking, large hall of some kind. As he entered through the open doors, he gave a broad smile. There were all manner of people in fine clothing, milling about, talking to one another. There was only one thing D’Amour truly noted, though.

"Babes. Lots and lots of babes. Watch out, ladies. The Captain of Love is about to teach you the true path to sexual blisUNH!"

The rest of D’Amour speech was cut off as Aki laid him out with a nearby tree trunk. From out of her blouse came a length of steel cable, which she used to tie the captain up. "Well, you’ve served your purpose. Now it’s time to give Ranma and Shampoo an early wedding gift by leaving you behind." She finished tying him up and hid the body behind some bushes next to the temple and out of sight. Maybe she would get around to untying him when everything was over. On the other hand, maybe leaving him there forever would be a better idea. The crew would certainly thank her for it.

"It was nice meeting you," Kasumi said as the rather polite couple walked off to meet others in the pre-wedding area of the reception hall that was located next to the church. She watched as they mingled with some others, then turned to the small child that was still hiding behind her right leg. "Akira. There was no reason to be so quiet to those nice people. You should be more friendly."

Akira looked up to Kasumi and said, "Strangers, Momma."

It took Kasumi only a moment to decipher the meaning. "Yes, they were strangers, and ordinarily you are not supposed to talk to them. But when you’re with me it’s all right."

Akira looked at her in confusion as he tried sorting out the seemingly conflicting orders of ‘don’t talk to strangers/talk to strangers’ he had just been given. As his child’s mind continued to work, he saw two people that were most definitely not strangers.

"Unca Shanpoo! Annie Ranma!" he shouted out excitedly in their approaching direction.

"No, Akira. That’s Auntie Shampoo and Uncle Ranma," Kasumi corrected, emphasizing the ‘auntie’ and ‘uncle’ parts of the names.

Akira stared in confusion at his mother again, then pointed at the couple once more and said, "Unca Shanpoo. Annie Ranma, Momma," as though that were all the explanation that was needed.

"I said that’s Auntie Shampoo and Uncle Ranma," Kasumi corrected once again. It figured that the first time Akira met the duo they were in their cursed forms, and that Ranma-chan would jokingly refer to herself as ‘Auntie Ranma’ and Shampoo-kun as ‘Uncle Shampoo’. All it took was that one time and Akira had hopelessly fixated on calling them that, no matter how many times he was corrected.

Akira stuck his lip out defiantly. "Unca Shanpoo! Annie Ranma! Unca Shanpoo! Annie Ranma! Unca Shanpo—"

A laugh interrupted Akira’s insistent tirade about the names of his godparents. "It’s okay, Kasumi. He can call me ‘Annie Ranma’ whenever he wants." Ranma squatted down, unconcerned about rumpling his tuxedo, and held his arms open.

Ranma watched with an amused grin as Akira began running forward on his little legs. He laughed at the child and waited to pick him up as he rushed towards him…

…and passed by on the right side, leaving Ranma to continue smiling at nothing but air, his arms still pointed outward expectantly.

"Unca Shanpoo. Hug!" Akira looked up to Shampoo, holding his own arms expectedly. He was not disappointed as Shampoo picked him up and gave him a great, big hug.

Ranma finally got up and scowled at the embracing duo. They did make quite a pair, Akira in his little suit and Shampoo in a red and brown, Chinese-style dress that had a high slit along the leg and a gold border around the legs and arms. Hardly the traditional Japanese style wedding his mother had wanted, but Shampoo unilaterally refused to wear a kimono, claiming it was ridiculously uncomfortable and confining. When Ranma tried pressing the point, Shampoo mentioned that if Nodoka was so enthusiastic about seeing someone married in a kimono, all she needed to do was splash Ranma with some cold water and she could get her wish. Ranma let the subject drop after that.

The scowl Ranma directed at the pair lasted all of four seconds before Akira shifted around in Shampoo’s embrace and pointed himself in Ranma’s direction. Once again he opened his arms out and said, "Annie Ranma. Hug!"

"Looks like I couldn’t keep his interest after all," Shampoo said as she handed Akira to Ranma, who did as he was ordered and gave Akira a big hug.

"The two of you look very nice," Kasumi commented as she watched her son embrace Ranma.

"So do you," Shampoo replied as she admired Kasumi’s elegant-looking brown and white kimono.

Ranma pretended he was going to toss Akira across the room, eliciting a giggle from the child. "The little guy’s grown a lot since the last time we saw him."

"That was only a month ago, Ranma," Shampoo said.

"Well, he looks a lot bigger."

Kasumi gave a warm smile. "I think you’re right, Ranma. He has grown a lot in the last month." She decided that they had talked enough about her son. Today was too momentous to talk about subjects that could be covered at any time, although she did enjoy talking about Akira. "Today’s the big day. Are the two of you ready?"

Shampoo nodded enthusiastically while Ranma just shook his head. "Hard to believe it’s on us so fast. Seems like only yesterday I was proposing, now look where I am. The days just flew by."

"It can’t go fast enough for me." Shampoo glomped onto him in joy. "Two years was too long. After today he’ll officially be mine at last."

"Have you decided what to do about the name?" As Kasumi recalled, the two were still in disagreement about who would take whose name.

"She’s going to be Shampoo Saotome after today," Ranma informed her as he persuaded Shampoo to release him before she wrinkled his suit.

"I still think Ranma Pu has a better ring to it." Shampoo gave her fiancé a wicked little smile. She almost refused to take on his family name, but when it became obvious it meant a great deal to him, she relented. It really was a trivial thing, but it would serve to make everyone know that there was an official bond between them.

"If it isn’t the happy couple at last."

Everyone turned to look at the speaker. Kasumi looked pleased while Ranma and Shampoo gave irritated glances. "What’s she doing here?" Shampoo mumbled under her breath.

"I’m glad you could come, Nabiki," Kasumi said. Somehow, Nabiki’s invitation had not arrived when Kasumi’s had. Actually it hadn’t arrived at all, so Kasumi took it upon herself to invite Nabiki along.

"We ain’t got no money ‘cause renting the hall and hiring the priest took it all up. We are officially broke," Ranma informed her, wondering why she had come at all since both he and Shampoo had agreed upon ‘forgetting’ to invite her. Even if they had nothing, that did not mean there was not some way she had of taking any future funds they might make.

Nabiki gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "Oh, come now, Saotome. I wouldn’t miss this for the world. After all of the excitement you and Shampoo have brought into our lives, if I didn’t see things through this far, I’d never forgive myself."

"Ranma isn’t lying. We really don’t have any money," Shampoo assured her.

"Then I’ve come at just the right time," Nabiki said, her eyes fairly glinting in the light of the hall. Both Ranma and Shampoo sensed that they had somehow just walked into the trap, whatever it was.

"I’ll do it," Ranma said to Shampoo, hoping to get whatever Nabiki was up to out of the way. He turned back to Nabiki. "What do you mean?"

Nabiki continued to smile. "I’m just concerned about the future you two have. As I understand it, neither one of you has a regular job."

"That’s because we’ve been going around trying to find a cure for the curses," Ranma informed her. "And we’ve been learning a lot of new martial arts techniques too. So there ain’t been much time to try to hold one down."

"Besides," Shampoo added. "We can get by on pit fighting and pickachu hunting. We always make a bit of money fighting since both of us always win and we always bet on the other’s fights. That’s how we got enough money to pay for all of this, but we don’t have any now," Shampoo emphasized once more.

"Then allow me to help you make some."

Ranma sighed. And it was supposed to have been a happy occasion too. "Go ahead and tell us what you want."

"I just want to help you, Ranma." She almost cooed as she drew closer to the duo. "Consider this my wedding present to you. I didn’t get a chance to actually buy you something, since my invitation didn’t arrive, so I figured out something else." She brought out an official-looking document and handed it to Ranma.

The first thing Ranma noticed was the two dotted lines on the bottom. "We’re not signing our souls over to you."

"As if those would have any value anyway," Nabiki shot back, still smiling the entire time. "This is a contract. Specifically, a modeling contract." She took the paper out of his hands and began her speech. "I’ve been thinking. That swimsuit calendar we did a few years ago was a great success."

"For you," Shampoo pointed out.

"That goes without saying," Nabiki replied. "But it could work out for your benefit too. We could make a deal where the two of you can become official models and makes tons of money. You’ll have to do it in your cursed forms though, since Shampoo is supposed to be ‘dead’. Ohh. I get goosebumps just thinking about how much we can make with the two of you being marketed right."

"And what do you get out of this?" Ranma asked.

"I’ll be your agent, of course. It’s not like the two of you have any connections to advertisement agencies." Nabiki did not either, but if they signed the contracts, she could make some.

"And you’ll be getting how much of our money?" Ranma asked.

"Only a standard agent’s fee."

"Which would be…?" Shampoo continued, waiting for the other shoe to fall.

"A nominal sum."

"Which would be…?" Shampoo pressed.

"Only fifty percent."

"HALF?!" Ranma and Shampoo spluttered out as one.

"How nice. You two are reading each other’s minds, and you aren’t even married yet," Kasumi said sweetly.

"How do you justify getting half of what would be our money?" Ranma growled.

"It’s not like you two have the resources to do it on your own. Without me you’d be lucky to make one quarter of what I could get you. Still, there’s no need to answer now. It was just an idea" Nabiki folded up the document and put it back in her blouse. "This is your wedding day. Don’t worry about money matters now. We can discuss this some other time." Like when they realized she was right and would cave in to her demands. They were so predictable, after all. She gave them no more than a year of holding out, at the most.

Ranma and Shampoo shrugged and let the matter rest. They were just about to ask Kasumi something when a short, brown-haired girl approached them

"Hello, Kurumi," Kasumi said as her adopted sister approached.

Shampoo and Ranma looked the girl over. All the information they had been told about the new girls came from Kasumi, and they had felt it was… colored somewhat, as things described by Kasumi tended to be. To their eyes, the short girl appeared normal (relative to the standard inhabitants of Nerima, that is), and seemed rather calm, a trait they had been looking for in as many of the guests as they could. Both of them were keeping an eye open for any possible disturbances, certain that somewhere, somehow, someone was going to try to screw things up. That was the way things always happened. So far everything had appeared clear, though.

Kasumi properly introduced her sister to Ranma and Shampoo, who, in turn, bowed before her. Shampoo quickly noticed the girl seeming to examine her far more intently than Ranma.

"Is something wrong?" Shampoo asked.

Kurumi almost jumped at that. "No. I’ve just heard a lot about you. You look a lot different from what I expected."

Shampoo found herself amused by that. "And what did you think I would look like?"

"I don’t know. Just different. It’s nice to meet you though."

"It’s nice to meet you too." Shampoo agreed. Kurumi seemed nice enough. Shampoo had assumed both of the new Tendo girls might take Akane’s side and despise Shampoo on general principles. It seemed at least one of them had kept an open mind.

Nabiki interjected herself into the conversation as she moved closer to Shampoo. "Now, how about letting me see the ring that Ranma got you."

Shampoo held out her hand proudly and displayed the ring for Nabiki’s benefit. Nabiki grabbed it, holding the hand steady while she whipped out a jeweler's loupe and held it to her eye. She examined the ring closely. One glance and the loupe fell from her hand. "Th… that’s…"

"The most beautiful ring in the world," Shampoo cooed.

"It’s crap," Nabiki corrected. "It’s not even cubic zirconium. How can you possibly feel satisfied with a piece of junk like this?"

"Ranma picked it out all by himself," Shampoo insisted as she shook her arm out of Nabiki’s grasp and fawned over her ring once more. "I’d never trade it. Not even for all the jewels in the world."

Nabiki made a retching noise at that. "I can see it’s not going to take much to please you. You know, it’s girls like you that make guys think it’s easy to satisfy a woman."

"I am easy to satisfy," Shampoo said.

Ranma handed Akira to Shampoo, then facefaulted. Shampoo leveled a scowl at him that was going to be joined by a reprimand, when Nabiki spoke up.

"Hey everyone, don’t you think Akira looks a lot like Shampoo?"

Kasumi and Kurumi suddenly stiffened as Ranma brought his face close to Akira. He examined the child’s face closely, then compared it to Shampoo’s. He looked back and forth several times between the two before standing back on his heels.

"They don’t look a thing alike."

"I think he looks more like Ranma." Shampoo let Ranma hold Akira, then compared the two.

"Say, he does look a little like him," Kurumi said, mystified at the slight resemblance between man and child.

Nabiki was about to say something else when she felt a slight weight settle on her head. With a growing dread, she froze. Slowly, an object came into view from above her head.

Birdy let out a low hissing sound.

"NOOO!" Nabiki shouted as Birdy began pecking at her face.

"Isn’t that sweet," Kasumi sighed. "Birdy’s saying ‘hello’ to Nabiki. I thought he missed her. They always have such fun playing with one another."

"Actually, Birdy’s trying to gouge her eyes out," Shampoo noted as Nabiki ran off, trying to dislodge the small pterodactyl.

"That’s just his way of saying ‘hi’ to her," Ranma added dryly before noticing someone else approach. "Great. Look who’s coming. How the hell did she find out about this?"

Shampoo turned to see whom Ranma was talking about. It was Perfume, decked out in an attractive pink and black dress that showed off an impressive amount of cleavage. "I invited her." She was delighted that Perfume had made it in time. Delivering a message through Kasumi to Cologne to Perfume had taken some time, and Shampoo had been uncertain if it would arrive in Joketsuzoku in time.

"Why?" he asked as he handed Akira back to Kasumi.

"She’s my friend." As well as being one of the handful of people from Shampoo’s home that she could still see. She had never told Ranma, but there were still times that an aching longing for her home made its presence known. Though the times when it bothered her were becoming fewer and farther between.

Ranma was considerably less enthusiastic about Perfume’s appearance. From what little contact he had had with her, he was under the impression she did not think highly of him, and even disapproved of the relationship he had with Shampoo. He certainly did not care for anyone that had claimed to be Shampoo’s friend, then turned around and brought a party of Amazons with her to drag her ‘friend’ to her death. It was only luck that had kept Perfume’s actions from bringing about Shampoo’s execution at the hands of her own people. Besides, there was something about her he did not trust. A sort of arrogance that she carried that implied she thought she was better than everyone else and regarded people like him as subordinates to her. Never seeing her again would have sat perfectly fine with him.

"Who’s that girl with her?" Ranma asked as he took notice of an attractive woman, with long flowing brown hair and dressed in a white kimono, that was escorting the pink-haired Amazon.

"I don’t recognize her." Shampoo examined the face of Perfume’s escort carefully. She did not appear to be anyone from the village, and the kimono implied that she was probably Japanese. Shampoo was still trying to place the face when she noticed something else about the pair.

"She’s holding the new girl’s hand," Shampoo said.

Ranma scowled at that. He knew all about Perfume’s weird tastes in men. "There ain’t no way that’s a guy."

"I know it looks impossible, but I’m pretty sure from the smile on her face he must be a male."

"No way. Even Tsubasa doesn’t look that good," Ranma insisted, receiving a surprised look from Shampoo. "I mean Tsubasa didn’t look as convincing as that girl, not that he was good-looking, which he isn’t."

Shampoo seemed to accept that. "Why don’t we make a bet about his gender? I say he’s a male."

"Okay, but we ain’t got no money. What would we bet?"

Shampoo told him.

Ranma turned bright red at the nature of the ‘stakes’. "I’m not sure I’d wanna do that."

"But I might get hungry tonight," Shampoo purred in his ear, wondering if she should have added a cherry topping to the bet. She liked cherry toppings.

"But I’d get all sticky—"

The rest of the complaint was cut off as Perfume headed directly towards Shampoo, beaming a wide smile to her. "Shampoo. It’s been too long." Perfume detached herself from her escort’s arm and grabbed Shampoo’s forearms. Shampoo mirrored the action.

"You look well," Shampoo said.

Perfume shrugged. "I had some problems a while back, but I feel a lot better now." Perfume was as giddy as a schoolgirl as she released her hold on Shampoo and once again looped her arm around her escort’s. "A lot of it is thanks to him. Meet my new boyfriend. I rescued him from his evil stepsisters and stepmother a few days ago. His name’s Konatsu Kenzan."

Konatsu bowed before Shampoo and Ranma. "It’s a pleasure to meet Perfume-sama’s best friend and her future husband."

Ranma shook his head in disbelief. He WAS a guy? Perfume sure had a knack for finding the perverts. And worse, it meant he had just lost the bet. Where in the hell was he going to find that much whipped cream by tonight? "It’s a pleasure, I guess."

Shampoo gave Ranma a hungry look and licked her lips before saying something similar in greetings to Perfume’s boyfriend. Konatsu really did a good job of looking like an attractive teenage girl. If she hadn’t known Perfume, she would never have guessed.

"Isn’t he dreamy?" Perfume gushed. "I know it’s your wedding day and all, but I just had to show him off to you."

"Gee, thanks," Ranma said in a tone sarcastic enough to do Nabiki proud.

Perfume gave Ranma a tight smile. "He looks better in a dress than you ever could, even as a girl."

Ranma began to bluster at that before receiving a warning glance from Shampoo. He had promised not to start any fights, but Perfume had to be just so damn irritating it was nearly impossible to not pick one. He satisfied himself with saying, "I don’t wear dresses, so I couldn’t really say."

"Perfume-sama, please." Konatsu blushed at the flattery he was receiving. "I’m certain Mr. Saotome would look wonderful in a dress."

"Yeah, I would," Ranma defended.

"I think Ranma would look good in a dress too," Shampoo said, suddenly feeling the urge to defend her fiancée.

"Umm, could we change the subject off of cross-dressing?" Kurumi asked as she took Akira from Shampoo and held him. Kurumi had never been comfortable talking about the subject. She had heard enough talk about it from the loud ‘discussions’ Natsume had with Ukyou about them. Curious how those two had taken an instinctive dislike to one another, but then social dynamics around Nerima never were easy to comprehend.

"Yes, it is supposed to be a day of joy." Perfume was suddenly all smiles once again. "Shampoo and I are both lucky to have such wonderful men."

Tensions relaxed as Perfume began idle talk about the wedding. "Has he finally officially challenged you for your hand yet?" she asked Shampoo.

"Last week," Shampoo said happily, remembering how Ranma, with the help of cue cards, made an elaborate ‘official’ pronouncement to challenge Shampoo in a duel with the intent to prove his worth, as an outsider, to his would-be warrior bride. "It took him half an hour, but he defeated me at last."

"Dumb Amazon marriage traditions," Ranma mumbled under his breath. Why he had to prove his worth to her, when she already knew what a great (and better) fighter he was, irritated him to no end. But she had insisted on it since she still considered herself an Amazon warrior and, as tradition begged, she should marry a powerful male that could prove his worth. At least his arm had healed up all right. It appeared Shampoo was correct. Getting the fight out of the way a week before the wedding left them both in much better shape for the honeymoon after. Not that she had not tried something since she then considered herself officially married. Fending off her renewed advances was no easy task. At least after today, that would no longer concern him.

"There are a lot of people here," Perfume noted. There seemed to be close to a hundred people in the dining hall

"We don’t even know half of them," Shampoo informed her.

"At least," Ranma seconded. "Some of them are friends, but a lot of them are my family that I never even met."

"You can recognize the ones on Pop’s side from the way they’re grazing at the snack table." Shampoo pointed out a small horde of people that were stuffing their mouths with everything they could get their hands on. "Good thing we have the main courses hidden or there wouldn’t be anything left for the reception."

"It looks like everything is set up really well." Perfume commented. "Who organized this?"

Taking that as a cue, a man, wearing a half mask and a long, billowing black cape, slid down from a wire in the ceiling and landed next to Perfume, scaring the life out of her.

"It was I, The Director!" Loud music blared from hidden speakers somewhere nearby as he bowed gracefully before the startled Amazon.

Shampoo and Ranma had made certain they were a good distance from Perfume after she had first, foolishly uttered her words. Ranma began to explain. "That’s our old high school director. Somehow he heard we were getting married—"

"—And naturally I volunteered to choreograph the entire thing," The Director finished as he moved behind Ranma and Shampoo, placing an arm around each of their shoulders. "I must tell you, I am still in awe of the special effects you’re using. Why, if I didn’t know better, I would swear that Ranma is really a girl and Shampoo is really a boy."

Ranma and Shampoo laughed nervously at the little statement as both tried to escape the Director’s grip, and failed.

"Are you two certain you know the lines for the wedding?" he asked.

The couple nodded their heads vigorously.

"Are you certain you don’t need a quick refresher?" He held out two identical shock bracelets.

"We’re sure!" the pair said as one.

The Director nodded in approval. "Very well. I shall make certain my incompetent production staff have not screwed everything up. Earlier I caught them trying to set up a sacrificial altar to the demon Balthazar instead of preparing the temple the way it should be." Just as he was about to leave, he paused for one last moment. "I have a new film deal that’s in the final stages. Soon I shall single-handedly revitalize the film industry from the cesspool it’s been mired in. I wanted to know if the two best actors I have ever had the privilege of directing would participate in it."

Ranma and Shampoo looked nervously at one another. "I guess we might consider it."

The Director jumped for joy as he headed to the church once again.

Ranma considered the offer. "Let’s see. We’ve got Nabiki trying to get us to model for her, and now we got an insane director trying to get us to act."

"I think we should stick to pit fighting," said Shampoo. "I’d rather deal with criminals and cutthroats than Nabiki. And I still don’t think I’ve met anyone as insane as that director."

"Hello, Son-in-law. Granddaughter."

Shampoo found her great-grandmother suddenly standing before her. For the first time in nearly two years she saw the smaller woman once again and felt her heart seize up. Where before there would have been a spry, if diminutive, old woman who displayed the energy of a mistress of the martial arts, there now stood a sallow, gaunt-looking, elderly woman that lacked anything resembling the vibrancy she once possessed.

"Great-Grandmother, what happened to you?!"

The elder smiled at her, but even that toothy grin seemed to have lost its luster. "Nothing you need concern yourself with, child. I’ve just been ill for a little while, but I’ve been feeling much better of late."

"You don’t look well," Shampoo protested, only to have Cologne smack her on the head with her staff.

"Don’t argue with your great-grandmother. Now that we’ve determined I’m perfectly fine, why don’t we discuss other things. Either of you having second thoughts?"

"Nah!" Ranma assured her. "We’ve been waiting nearly two years for this. I just can’t wait to get it over with. I keep looking over my shoulder thinking something is going to screw it up. Something always screws things up." Shampoo nodded her head, mirroring the sentiment.

"So this is what my future son-in-law looks like."

Ranma turned to see the female speaker that was directly behind him, somehow managing to avoid his sensing her presence. His turn brought him to look directly into her chest instead of a face. It was a rather generously endowed one, which was covered by a red and black Chinese-style ensemble. Realizing what he was staring at, he quickly recovered and looked up into the face of the tall woman that towered head and shoulders above him, just barely registering a plain-looking man standing several steps behind her.

The woman herself was very striking. Long locks of dark purple hair cascaded freely down her back, flowing in one majestic wave. She held a confident, if haughty, look about her. Her stance held power in it, even though she was at rest. But of all the notable features about her, it was the face that caught the majority of his attention. Certainly she was very attractive, but that was not what had commanded his attention. It was that the face looked so very similar to Shampoo’s.

Shampoo spoke from behind him. "Ranma, meet my mother, Comb."

Ranma was so surprised by the presence of the woman that he failed to pick up the uneasiness in Shampoo’s voice. The face may have appeared very similar to Shampoo’s, but the anger that it bore was something he had seen only a handful of times on the woman he had spent the last two years of his life traveling with. And though at times Shampoo might have looked at him in anger, it had never been with quite the intensity he was now being subjected to. That was unusual, not that someone was directing anger at him, which was something he was used to happening in a full one-third of the people he met. No, what was curious was that he was confident he had never met her before, and therefore she shouldn’t be angry with him for anything.

Actually, now that he really thought about it, a lot of people he hadn’t met before did tend to hate him for one reason or another. Maybe it wasn’t so unusual after all.

"Uh," Ranma was unsure of what to say. Shampoo had not mentioned her mother was coming and hadn’t told him what to expect. "Pleased to meet you."

Comb’s eyes seemed to bore holes through him as she continued staring. Ranma could have sworn she appeared even angrier than before. Usually it took at least a full five minutes of his being in someone’s presence before that happened.

Comb shifted her gaze from Ranma to her daughter. "This is the male that you have chosen to marry?"

The tone of disapproval was enough to make even Ranma shiver. "Yes. I’m Ranma Saotome."

The evil glare returned at twice the intensity. "I do not recall either myself or my daughter giving you permission to speak."

Ranma looked at her in shock, then annoyance. "I don’t need no one’s permission—"

Shampoo cut him off by inserting herself between the two. "Ranma, let me deal with this."

"But…" He stopped on his own that time as he stared into Shampoo’s pleading eyes. Somehow he couldn’t bear to refuse her. This time. He backed off and allowed her to take over.

Shampoo turned from Ranma to confront Comb with a far less pleading look. "Mother. Don’t be rude to my husband."

Comb’s anger switched to the identical pleading look that Ranma had just seen on Shampoo. "You can’t marry this boy! He’s all wrong for you! I can tell just by looking at his beady, little eyes that he’s an egotistical, outsider male that will abandon you the instant he grows bored with you!"

"He will not abandon me and his eyes aren’t beady!" Shampoo protested.

"Hey! What about ‘egotistical’?" Ranma said.

Comb continued her diatribe. "He’s a liar that will use flowery words to turn your head, at least until he finds someone else that catches his interest, and then you’ll be forgotten!"

"He’s not that way!"

"What about egotistical?!" Ranma poked Shampoo in the back, trying to gain her attention.

Both Shampoo and Comb ignored him as the older Amazon continued. "You don’t know males like I do! You’re still young and inexperienced in their ways. This outsider boy is all wrong for you. You need someone that will be obedient. A perfect husband. Someone like Mousse."

"That’s one of the damn reasons he wouldn’t leave me alone!" Shampoo exploded in outrage at her mother. "You just had to keep encouraging him to pursue me! And for your information he never did what I said! He always did what he wanted to!"

It was at that time that the man who had stood behind Comb, Shampoo’s father, finally spoke up. "Dear, if Shampoo loves him and wants to marry him, why don’t we just agree? Our daughter has…" He closed his mouth and retreated a few steps as his wife shot him a withering glare.

Comb returned her attention towards her daughter. "Listen to me. Males with backbone are nothing but trouble. They are headstrong, foolish, and end up hurting you and not giving a damn. You need a proper male who will be submissive to your will. Just take your father, for example. He’s obedient and we’ve been married for over twenty years now. We’ve always been happy."

"I don’t want a submissive male and I don’t want to marry someone like Father!" She let go of her anger for a moment as she gave a weak smile towards him. "No offense, Father."

He gave a soft smile in return and nodded his head in understanding.

Shampoo turned back to her mother, fierce once again. "I love Ranma and he loves me! We will be married, with or without your permission!"

Comb spun on her heel and pointed a finger accusingly towards Cologne. "This is all your fault, Grandmother! You’re the one that filled her head with these notions of males with backbone being good!"

"There’s nothing wrong with a husband that’s willing to stand up to you." Cologne humphed. "It’s all a matter of personal taste. Your grandfather had plenty of spirit, and we loved each other very much."

"Oh, yes, Mother informed me of how well you two got along," Comb said acidly. "She said the two of you fought constantly. She told me sometimes home was more like a demilitarized zone."

Cologne shrugged. "Sometimes. We were both passionate people that gave voice to our desires and opinions, but we always loved each other. Your mother knew that. And it certainly made life interesting."

"‘Interesting’ translates into ‘trouble’. You’re just lucky he didn’t pick up and abandon you like most men would. And even then it was probably because you were a better martial artist than he was and would have hunted down and killed him."

"Mother," Shampoo finally interrupted again. "All men aren’t like that male that abandoned you." Shampoo realized the gravity of her error and slapped her hands over her mouth, as though that would somehow take back the words that she had said.

It failed.

A dull purple aura rose from Comb as she ever so slowly turned from her grandmother to confront her daughter. Eyes that were little more than slits, focused on the one who had dared to speak those words. "This has nothing to do with him." That quiet declaration held more menace than all of the shouting she had done before.

"Of course not, Mother," Shampoo said as she backed away in fear, trying to smile and hoping someone it would calm Comb down. "I don’t know what I was thinking of when I said that. How stupid of me."

"He was scum that wasn’t worthy to lick my boots."

"Of course, Mother." Shampoo said still backing away.

"I was going to leave him when he said that. I realized what a worthless piece of dung he was. He wasn’t so good a liar that he could have fooled me for long."

"Yes, Mother," Shampoo said, now stopping, since all backing away was doing was making Comb close the distance between the two of them by moving faster than she was backing away. Shampoo hoped if she stopped moving so would her mother. She could now see the muscles in Comb’s jaw clenching and unclenching. That was a really bad sign. This bout was not going to pass quickly.

"That bitch he claimed was better than me was an ugly, weak, honorless whore who, if I had thought about it, would have killed for daring to think she could somehow be one tenth more desirable than me."

"Yes, Mother," Shampoo said, hoping the storm would pass soon. She should never have opened her mouth. Now she was going to pay for it. Still, experience had taught her that as long as you didn’t make any quick movements, or disagree with a word her mother said, she would eventually calm down and not reflexively lash out with the nearest weapon. Even Cologne would not try to do anything during such bouts of anger. It was far better to let Comb vent than risk her wrath in that state of mind.

Ranma was about to say something when a hand clamped over his mouth. He turned to see that it was Shampoo’s father who had done the warning gesture. He released Ranma’s mouth and quietly whispered, "Let’s go over here and talk, son-in-law. Let your mother-in-law be for a while."

"But she’s—"

"She’ll be fine once she calms down. But if someone like you were to gain her attention, or even get into her line of sight right now, that would be a very bad thing. Especially for my daughter. Swallow your pride for the moment, for Shampoo’s sake."

Ranma felt like growling at the suggestion, but gave in. The man understood the situation far better than he did, and if he really thought it would be better for Shampoo if she worked things out alone, he would do it.

Ranma allowed the man to lead him a small distance away, still keeping the glowing Comb in sight. Shampoo just smiled and nodded with everything her mother was saying.

Once the two stopped moving away, the older man began speaking once again. "It is an honor to meet you, Ranma Saotome."

"Yeah, same here, ahhh…"

"Just call me ‘father-in-law’," the man told him. "You’re probably wondering why my wife finds my daughter’s marriage to you so objectionable."

"Yeah. What was that all about? I mean, she doesn’t even know me." Most people that disliked him at least had some reason for it other than ‘you’re breathing my air.’

"It’s what you represent," the man sighed. "It’s not your fault. Something happened to my wife a long time ago, but she still bears the wounds of it even after all of these years."

He took a deep breath, then began. "You see, when my wife was still single, about Shampoo’s age, she met an outsider male that visited the village. I only faintly remember, but apparently he was an egotistical, overbearing blowhard, though he was also insufferably handsome, charming, and a smooth talker. He was just passing through, but that was long enough for Comb to catch his eye. She was every bit as beautiful as Shampoo is now, so he dazzled her with fancy words and such, catching her attention. Grandmother says she tried to tell Comb he was little more than an ass and that she shouldn’t trust him, but it was too late. She had fallen in love with him almost instantly and announced that when he left the village, she would be traveling with him. Grandmother could do nothing to prevent her from leaving. So, with her wishing them luck, Comb left with the man.

"The two became lovers and traveled a good bit of the world together. From what little my wife has told me, he always insisted he loved her and would never leave her. At least that was until two years later when he came across someone else that caught his interest. He dumped Comb instantly, breaking her heart. Rather than try to fight the new girl, or avenge her pride, she simply left them."

Ranma was surprised to hear the pain in the man’s voice, despite the fact he was talking about a rival for his wife’s affections.

He continued. "Comb returned to the village a changed woman. She developed a real hatred for outsider males, especially those that reminded her of her former lover, and woe to any man that talked back to her. She’s mellowed out over the years, though."

Ranma stared at him in disbelief. He pointed over to the still glowing Comb. "That’s mellow?"

"Well, compared to twenty years ago, yes. She used to be much worse," he answered. "Once she returned, she decided to settle down. Out of all the men in the village, she chose me as her husband. I was very flattered. Not only did she come from a prominent family and was a mighty warrior, but she was painfully beautiful as well. She was a far better wife than I ever imagined I would have."

"Why’d she pick you?" Ranma asked, curious as to what qualities calmed such a ‘man hater’ down.

"I was a, I believe the term you Japanese would use is ‘wimp’."

"Say what?"

"Oh, I was a meek little thing. Still am, really. Never raised my voice to anyone. Always deferential to women, especiall