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Guess Who?

A spamfic
by Brian Randall

Author's note: See if you can guess what's being crossed over with what. One clue- one of them is American and a movie, not a series. The other should be pretty obvious… Try and figure out how quickly you can guess…

Damn it. She's still following me. She can't see me, of that I am certain. I'm hidden too well. Her henchmen aren't a threat to me; they're too clumsy to be a bother. But she keeps chasing me.

I have the strength and skill to kill her, if I have to, but I don't think it's come to that. This reminds me of how my son was always running from that crazy girl… what was her name, anyway?

Bah. Thinking of my son dredges up bad memories. My own fault, I suppose… if it weren't for my selfishness and stubborn attitude, I'd still be in Japan. England's not much like Japan. The food sucks, the weather is miserable, and the barbarians don't recognize the value of a good warm soak. I could use one of those soon.

Of course, if I hadn't made my son angry enough to chase me out of… well. No point to thinking about that anymore.

The snow is thick, and I stumble down an embankment. Damnation. There's only one way that this can end, and… Of course. A creek.

I don't know that the woman who's chasing me has figured out that I'm both of the things she hunts, but she does seem to associate my forms. I don't like it much, but… there are some advantages to that problem.

Her helpers have spotted me. Time to run again. At least the cold isn't so bad when you're running. I can lose them easily enough, for a while. But even if I escape to the other side of the woods, the crazy woman will swing her car around and chase me. I'm fast, but I'm not that fast.

I can hear her laugh again. I try not to shudder, and make a break for it. I remember the first time I stumbled across her henchmen…

It was cold, and the house looked nearly abandoned. It was warm, and there were signs that a lot of animals were in the area. I climbed in through a window, and snuck over to a door. The two henchmen were watching the television. Something in English I couldn't quite make out.

From what I could understand of them, they were criminals. I didn't really care one way or another, I'm certain I've done worse.

But when I peeked into the room, I saw something really odd… dogs. I can't image what purpose that many dogs would serve. Oh, I'm certain my son would love to have that many dogs around him, they'd help him with… well. That was my fault too. No point beating a dead horse; it's already been done, and I can't undo it.

Well, for whatever reason, I got this idea that the henchmen were going to kill the dogs. I don't know why I chose that moment to care, but I did. So I released them. Then that crazy woman and her henchmen started chasing me.

After I managed to get soaked, she screamed something about not worrying about the dogs, and that I was worth more. Great.

When will this end? The car is approaching. I wish I was pure white, and could just lay against the snow to be hidden, but she'll see me.

It's only a matter of time… I can hear her cry ringing out even now, "Get those puppies- I mean, get that panda!"

Author's notes: Should be obvious right now, right? Genma from Ranma ½ and 101 Dalmatians. Yes, you're probably wondering where the idea for this came from. I work at a video store, and happened to see the two titles lying right next to each other. The image just wouldn't leave my head until I wrote this.

Disclaimer: The character of Genma Saotome is from Ranma ½, which was created by Rumiko Takahashi.  Cruella De Vil and her henchmen are from "101 Dalmatians", property of Walt Disney Productions, which is based on the story "The Hundred and One Dalmatians" by Dodie Smith.

December 01, 2000

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